I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
