This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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