I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
