somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
