i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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