My hair reeks of homosexuality.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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