I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
