I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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