You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
