'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
just tell him i said nine months
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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