You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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