Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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