why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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