yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
