She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
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You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
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Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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