I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
