She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Randomize
