Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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