R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
