Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Randomize
