I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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