I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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