I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Shitshow foam night was such a success
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
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