he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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