i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
