i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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