Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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