Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
