Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
