and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I am available for nakedness
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
