I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
