Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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