I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
