i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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