i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
