a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
