You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
