this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
