But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
