My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
