Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
