What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
