I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
