she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
