You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
My bed smells like the plague
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
