I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
