I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
