i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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