I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
