I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
