It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
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I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
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You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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