just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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