i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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