By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
