I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i will never coherently bang her
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
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