Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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