I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
