His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
