So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Randomize
