put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
