i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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