I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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