Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
