saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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