I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
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And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
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you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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