He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore