Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Randomize
