Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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