you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I look better un-naked...
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
