Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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