I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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