you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
