Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
