On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Hippo gnu deer
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
