This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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