oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
