I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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