I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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