come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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