just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
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