I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
ttyl tear gas
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
