So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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