I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
