i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
porn star boner night. come get it.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
